Making my way back home

I was still floundering after the herbal incident. Still desperately searching for healing and for answers.

I stumbled across the website of a homeopath who specialises in PND. 

Homeopathy is like Marmite. You either love it or you hate it.

I love Marmite.

The jury was still out on Homeopathy, but I definitely don't think you should knock something until you've tried it. (The exact logic that forced me to read '50 Shades of Grey because I felt I couldn't legitimately slate it unless I'd read it first!)

I arranged a WhatsApp video call with Catherine (Covid restrictions prevented a face to face meeting) and I can highly recommend her for the counselling alone. She suffered PND with her first two children and not with her subsequent children. She was understanding, kind, and patient and completely understood everything I was going through. 

These are the symptoms I found in the notes section of my phone that I had written prior to my conversation with Catherine to ensure I didn't leave anything out.

Symptoms:

Not interested in hobbies; 
No sense of a future;
Futility;
Distant and not in reality.

Current:
Feeling of doom/dread - especially around my heart;
Heavy heart - can't really enjoy anything;
Feeling of hopelessness and pointlessness - like I won't ever be happy again;
Like I'm not myself/like this isn't real;
Fear of death/ dying - myself and my family;
Tingly hot hands and feet especially at night;
Hot flashes/wake up boiling hot
Difficulty switching off especially during day or if I wake after 3am
No energy;
Feeling of something catching in my throat;
Low appetite;
Lightheaded/dizzy spells;
Breathless/like I can't always catch my breath.

Spotting once a week for last three weeks.

Seem to usually feel better in evening and worse in morning/afternoon.

Symptoms over past few weeks:
Fatigue;
Racing thoughts/invasive thoughts;
Weight loss;
Constant worry and anxiety;
Adrenaline and all the effects of it.

That's a lot for one person to feel! No wonder I'm on a healing journey because that's also a lot to recover from. I actually quite like reading this list back now because I'm not suffering from everything on it anymore. It shows that progress has been made, slowly, but surely.

The homeopathy made me much more peaceful, and seemed to lift the anxiety, but this allowed me to appreciate the depression which then took hold.

The journey wasn't over yet.

On a positive note:

Speaking with Catherine gave me hope and the knowledge that the PND would pass.

Homeopathy is gentle healing and aligned with my ethos of being kind and gentle to myself.

Talking to someone who had been where I was, and recovered, was so reassuring and therapeutic. 

Picture chosen because I was still getting out and about on walks every day to try and heal.


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