Positively Postnatal

A journey from Hell to Well, I'm going to write about my brush with Postnatal Depression and Anxiety. I passionately believe that everything happens for a reason and that something good can come from every situation if we seek to find it. I've had to seek pretty bloody hard on some days, but every single blog I post will contain at least a grain of positivity and hopefully more than a grain of laughter and humility. 

I want to make it very clear that if you are reading this and you have PND, that you will get better. You may even get some ideas here about how to heal yourself. You will definitely get some ideas about what to avoid doing! 

Everyone experiences PND in different ways and a part of me doesn't want to include my symptoms on this blog because I don't want to trigger anyone (I hate that expression, but it makes sense to use it here). Please know that if you have this illness, your symptoms may not mimic mine and by reading about mine, hopefully yours will become less scary and more normalised. 

The best thing you can do for yourself though is to ask for help and talk about it. Over the past few weeks, I have met lots of new, fabulous women and the moment I mention that I have PND/A, they reply with, "Me too!" It is so common and yet we hide it and fear it and wait for it to just go away.

I suppose I've never been one to take things lying down, but I refuse to let PND just take its natural course and wait around until I feel myself again before writing about how horrendous it all was and how I'm all healed. I'm going through it now and I'm writing about it now. I'm not ashamed of it. I wish it weren't happening, but it's making me an awful lot stronger than I was before. 

I'm not healed. Yet. But I will be.

This is my journey.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R&R

Image
"Just give yourself a break and be kind to yourself."  If I had a penny for every time I've heard that, I'd be...well, not rich, but I'd have a pretty impressive coin jar by now!  The trouble is, it is pretty tricky to rest and do activities for myself when I can't remember what old Beth used to like! PND drags you away from your old self and makes you feel as though this is it - this is you now. You can't remember who you used to be or what you used to enjoy, you know only the "not quite you" that you are now. For months, I have been unable to relax - especially in the house. I think lockdown has contributed to this massively; I know many of us have felt caged and trapped (the clue is in the word "lock", I suppose!)  I usually feel worse in the mornings and almost myself again by the evening. This is common for PND. Going to bed feeling alright and then waking up bad again and having to really work to fend it off. It's ...
Read more

Let's Talk

Image
It's been a long while since I last posted. I blame the dreaded sleep regression - more on that in another post though! For now, I'm going to be looking back and picking up where I left off which was in October/November time. My GP, on my request, referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health Team who then bounced me back and told me to self refer to Healthy Minds (previously Let's Talk). I only had to wait a week and in the meantime, had to complete a questionnaire to assess my mood. I was shocked to receive a letter from the NHS a few days later with the results: Severe anxiety and severe depression.  I should be clear; at no point have I received a diagnosis of PND. I know I have it, but no GP has actually said those words to me. The support for and understanding of this illness, in Herefordshire at least, is severely lacking and this was evident through the CBT I received which was not tailored to my illness. It involved a weekly phone call with a therapist and, to be hone...
Read more

Finding Freedom

Image
I am so so so so so thankful to Sian and the organisers and volunteers of the Freedom Bumps and Babies group. It has kept me going. They are so kind and brave to have run a mum and baby support group throughout this pandemic and throughout lockdowns. They gave us a small scrap of normality in a turbulent time. Going to that group once a week has very often been the highlight of my week. Just being in a room with other women and having a chat is uplifting and comforting. It also led me gently back to my faith. When I was young, I didn't ever feel that I belonged in church. I wasn't as pretty or talented or motivated as the other youths - that's how I felt. I didn't ever feel like I fit in. Now I do. (Sidenote: when I was younger, I wasn't the glamorous and confident Beth you now know. I was sort of gangly, and goofy, and clumsy. Just kidding. I'm still all of those things; now I just own it!)   I lost my faith a bit over the years and now I'm disc...
Read more