Self un-help

If you read my previous post, I think it's pretty obvious that I was frantic and in mental overdrive by this point. 

I desperately wanted to be well and I turned to books to try and heal myself. 

Big mistake.

I was not in the right place to be reading books about how to cure anxiety. I devoured several - all giving different advice - and then became disillusioned and despondent when they didn't work after a day or so.

One of the worst books I read was called "The Worry Trick" which advised that you set aside time each day to worry about your issues. It said to list them all and then speak each one aloud to yourself and then reason with each one. I can see how this would work if you have generalised anxiety or rational fears. But mine were not rational and trying to reason with them led me down a very difficult path and caused a lot more worry than it solved.

Another book advised that we should picture our anxiety as a friend, and give it a name. When it showed up, you could welcome it in and think, oh it's just such and such here with me. Again, I can see how this might work for someone who has occasional anxiety. But when it is constant and relentless, it is not a good idea to engage with it and I soon found that my new "friend" would not leave.

I read countless books about fear, anxiety, depression, postnatal anxiety, postnatal depression, and each time I read one, I felt worse, not better. I sent myself spiralling because I was so desperate to get well.

On a positive note:

I learnt to step away from Google! It is not your friend when you have PND. Far better to ask a professional, friend, or family member for advice if you need it.

I have a far greater understanding of PND now. I'm glad I researched it as much as I did, and I know that knowledge is power, but I do think there is something to be said about the phrase "ignorance is bliss"!